I've been writing this post for months but couldn't finish it. It's a sensitive subject. I don't want to be unkind and have worked really hard at trying to stay positive but this is the hard stuff, and a necessary evil in the job of caring for someone else's baby. This subject tends to be the majority of entries in my personal journal and so it only makes sense to have a post about it here. I have a good friend that is a foster momma and is struggling actively
with this very thing (she is really the one that talked me into
finally finishing this post). I have another friend that when her
husband's ex starts causing a stink, she calls and tells me all about it
because it's hard not to feel alone in your anger or negative feelings
for that other woman. So for all you out there that may feel alone, I got your back. And please forgive me if this starts to feel a bit like a rant. That's probably why it has taken so long for me to write this.
Everybody has one but some are harder than others. Whether it is a ex girl-friend or ex-wife. Maybe it's a baby momma. The prior-women in your significant other's life. In most cases, if there is a a child involved, there is an other woman. For me, and for a lot of other moms like me, this can be one of the most difficult parts in being a step-mom. There are several parts to this so let me try to break it down.
Part 1: She hates me. In reality, I totally understand this. I don't know a mom out there that would love another women for taking over the main momma position. So in that sense, if I were her, I would hate me too. So, to the other mom, this is my defense, I'm just trying to help you out. I'm sure there are some evil step-moms out there who are trying to push the birth moms out of the picture, but that's not me. Sure it would be EASIER without you but that's not reality. Life is hard. And sure you have had a terribly rough life and are screwed up because of it. And I'm sure you have the best intentions but actions speak much louder than words and some where along the way, your actions told someone that your baby wasn't one of your priorities so that's why someone else is taking care of him. Hate me all you want but your welcome!
Part 2: I really don't care for her either. This is because of a number of reasons. Some of it because of the prior reason, a lot of it because of the reason that will follow this one but, for me, it's has to do with the fact that I just don't get her. I mean really, what the heck was\is she thinking. She makes decisions in ways completely differently than me and I really don't understand it. This is not me saying please explain it to me because excuses don't really cut it. Life is hard! Yeah I know, so what?!
Part 3: She hurt\hurts someone I love. Does this need much explaining? I know I should forgive and forget but you know the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me." Is that how it goes? I'm not completely sure but you get the point. It's all water under the bridge but that doesn't mean we are friends.
I understand she could probably write a similar post on her blog about me. In her eyes, I'm the other woman.
I, for one, am grateful for the crappy decisions she made. I have an incredible husband that is my best friend and I love him more than anything. I have a son that I get to watch learn and grow that I love him very much. Our family would be incomplete without him. So to her, thanks for making the choices I would never have, for now I have them.
